Saturday, February 26, 2011

I blew it…or did I?


Our fearless leader knew full well what was going on. She stood by the scale and recorded the numbers, watching our shoulders slump as one by one we got the news: the big drop we’d come to expect had, pfft, disappeared.
As soon as our butts were once more planted on those hard middle-school seats, she faced our gloomy group in true fearless fashion.
Are you disappointed? she asked.
Heads drooped on slack necks.
Don’t be, she said.
Yeah, sure, I thought.
Were we eating healthier?
Well, yeah.
How did we feel?
Uh, great, frankly.
Okay then.
On my weekly reflection sheet, which I’d completed before the meeting as per my contract, I had filled in the blanks like this:
My goal for this week: “to stick to the eating plan and the exercises, and have energy to enjoy my busy week.”
Hello? Energy to enjoy a busy week? What drugs was I taking?
This week I accomplished: “Stuck to the eating plan (except for 1 slice of bread and 2 squares of chocolate), exercised well and had lots of energy to enjoy all my activities.”
Oh.
My best day was: “Tuesday and Wednesday because I ate well and exercised well and was still going strong at evening meetings.”
Oh yeah. I remember now.
I believe I felt this way because: “I’m eating only nutritious food (except for that chocolate) and I can do more in a week than I have for years.”
All that and I still lost a pound.
So I’d failed to lose five pounds or three or even two. Physically, I felt great. Energized.
And I lost a pound.
Nonetheless, I was disappointed in myself.
I could go with the depression, wallow in it. That would be fun.
Normally it would also include a box of cookies and a family-sized bag of potato chips. Also possibly dip.
This time? Well, I couldn’t gird my loins – my belt was already cutting into my muffintop – but I could lift my chin, straighten my backbone, stiffen my upper lip and, basically, suck it up.
To be honest, I wasn’t even tempted by the cookies and chips. And that was a little freaky too.

2 comments:

  1. Isn't it interesting how intense the feelings can be - of disappointment and perhaps fear about how we're doing when we want this so badly. Your experience reminds me that even when the # of lbs. lost in any particular week is very low, we should still feel good about it. And I think that that it is hard to go from say having lost 5 lb. one week, to then have to go to only 1 lb. I'm preparing my self for less than my original 4 lbs this next weighing, as I think the initial loss is mostly water retention, don't you Rachel?

    I am amazed that when I was planning what I want to eat for dinners this week-end I had no pull for the usual small steak and frites that are a favourite for us. Fish sounds so much more nourishing... I'm patting myself on the back for having stuck to my resolve this whole week! I continually remind myself and process stuff thru the morning pages, which is so helpful.

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  2. You're so right, Madeline – we should feel good about *all* our accomplishments, not just the big splashy ones.

    It sounds like you're making your own internal switches – actually preferring fish to frites!

    You deserve that big pat on the back for being good to yourself!

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